1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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