drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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