sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
