1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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