I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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