when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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