The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
