I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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