Me too!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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