did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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