I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
