i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
