I'm lost and stupid without you.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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