I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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