I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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