What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize