guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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