I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
