I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
