One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
