hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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