AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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