wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
