I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize