would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
