He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
