My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
