If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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