Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
