i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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