we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Your cock deserves a montage
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
