Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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