i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
