apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
