just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
