so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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