I didn't shave. On purpose
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
