What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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