I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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