He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Randomize
