I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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