i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
