Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize