READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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