you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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