This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
