singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
