think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
