im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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