Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
