are you still at the devil's house?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
