i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
