thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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