So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
