the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Randomize
