Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
sex in a hospital.. check
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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