My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize