I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
