Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
