He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
