What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
