ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
