It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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