seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
oh god was she eating orange peels again
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
