All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
