Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
