Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
