My balls are so social today.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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