After last night, I could never be a politician.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
