well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I didn't notice because vodka
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
