So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
