i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
