I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
