I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
