omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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