separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This toilet bowl is my home.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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